Julie Delpy as Serafine Pigot in “An American Werewolf in Paris” (1997)
I’ve heard that French chicks don’t shave their pits and find it attractive, but this is ridiculous. Nonetheless, this werewolf with a heart of gold won me over with her willingness to hop in the sack with a dopey American tourist. Ah, if we should all be so lucky…
Megan Fox as Jennifer in “Jennifer’s Body” (2009)
Megan Fox as a possessed, cannibalistic babe from Hell? I’ll take two, thank you…especially if it means twice as much of that girl-on-girl lip-locking, and no jive-talking robots. After watching her in action, I’ll never look at a high school flag team the same way.
Angie Everhart as Lilith in “Bordello of Blood” (1996)
It’s tough to pick just one traditional vampire from all of the hotties who have portrayed them onscreen, but Angie wins out based on three things: she’s a redhead (always a plus for girl), she feels up Erika Eleniak, and she’s running a bordello full of top-heavy bloodsuckers. Triple win.
Melinda Clarke as Julie Walker in “Return of the Living Dead 3″ (1993)
Years before her breakout role as Mischa Barton’s cougar mom on “The O.C.,” Melinda Clarke got her brain-eating on after she dies in a motorcycle crash and is reanimated by her grieving boyfriend. This entry is best known for entering “S&M zombie” into the lexicon, as Julie can only calm her flesh cravings with extreme pain.
Jess Weixler as Dawn O’Keefe in “Teeth” (2007)
Before this indie black comedy came around, “vagina dentata” was probably thought of as some sort of play an artsy girlfriend would drag you to. Turns out it’s an old folk saying for “vagina with teeth” … and in this film, Dawn becomes cinema’s most unlikely “manhood eater.”
Helena Bonham Carter as Mrs. Lovett in “Sweeney Todd” (2007)
How to best dispose of the dead bodies of your serial killer accomplice’s victims? If “bake them into meat pies and serve them to customers” wasn’t your first guess, don’t feel bad. This flick is pretty messed up. But Helena B.C. makes for one hot man-server, nonetheless – I think that I would try that pie : )
Anna Falchi as “She” in “Cemetary Man” (1994)
Playing three separate roles – all of whom are unnamed characters – Falchi makes the cut based on her primary character’s sex addiction moreso than her zombified look in this cult-classic Italian flick. She may have wanted to eat Rupert Everett’s brains, but that only makes me like her more.
Alien Queen from “Aliens” (1986)
This one’s for all of you out here who like big-boned females. Or those of who can appreciate a woman who’ll throw you around the room a bit. With apologies to Ripley and Vasquez, the Queen still managed to be the hottest chick in the movie…despite a disturbingly slimy egg-laying sequence.
Nastassja Kinski as Irena Gallier in “Cat People” (1982)
Panther lovin’ at its finest! Natassja Kinski stars as a werecat who has to dodge her murderous, incestuous brother while fending off the advances of a zoologist; if she sleeps with a human, she turns into a panther, and can only regain human form if she kills a human. Got all that? Trust me…this kitten has claws.
Salma Hayek as Satanico Pandemonium in “From Dusk Till Dawn” (1995)
With most insane characters’ name, she is one of my favorite sexpot vampire/reptile hybrid. (Hey, she does take a huge bite outta the guy, after all.) Never have Satan, Salma, skimpy clothes, snakes and an aversion to sunlight meshed so well.
Lisa Marie as Martian Girl in “Mars Attacks” (1996)
Another “fine line” entry, the incognito Martian Girl may not have snacked on actual human flesh, but when Martin Short plants an unwanted kiss on her, she nearly devours his face. A typical reaction for most women, I imagine : )
Sybil Danning as Stirba in “Howling II: Your Sister Is a Werewolf” (1985)
Known in other regions by the far more entertaining title “Howling II: Stirba – Werewolf Bitch,” this horror sequel starred frequently nude Sybil Danning as an immortal werewolf queen who has lots of werewolf sex in her castle. Christopher Lee and our main man Reb Brown co-star, failing to redirect their eyes from her cleavage for an hour and a half.
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